Fallin'

Miss Samantha,

So much to catch you up on.

No doubt you heard about that tragic accident in the small town. That was a girl from my baseball team this summer - the girl who loved FP. Very sad, she will be missed. Her accident really bummed me out for awhile. It could have been anyone closer to me. So many people drive that road every day - FP for one. I can see the impact this has had on her close friends. I would be devastated.

The investigation found that she was texting and didn't even realize she was at the intersection. She also wasn't wearing her seatbelt. Apparently, she would have been seriously injured, but still alive if she was.

A serious lesson learned: No more texting while you drive, and please wear your seatbelt.

FP was taking it really hard. Not because he was really close to her per se, but he was close to those who were close to her. He also lost a friend a few years back and a lot of those feelings came back. We've both kind of seen that FP has some mood problems - during the summer when we were at the top of our relationship high, I could sense some depression or underlying issues. On Thursday, after the funeral, he called me very, very upset. He said he didn't know what to do anymore. He just wanted to be happy again and now that I wasn't in his life anymore it wasn't going to get better - and he just wanted it to be over. He got in his vehicle. I told him to go back inside. He told me he was going to drive to the city to check himself into an institution. He was asking for help. He told me he loved me and hung up. He wouldn't answer when I called back.

I didn't know what to do, Sam. I was so scared. So heartbroken. The only thing I could think of was to call his mom. I talked to her and she told me "thanks for calling" and hung up. I could tell in her voice that she knew what was going on. I didn't hear from either of them all night. I was so scared. I spent the night with Cat.

The next morning, I kept calling - phone was off. Finally he answered late in the morning. He didn't kill himself. He got an impaired and lost his license, spent the night in the police station. His parents drove down there that night. He was hurting and at the last moment instead of driving into the oncoming transfer truck, he hit the ditch. He stayed there until the police drove by. He said it was the only way he knew how to ask for help. I would have been the last person he talked to if he wouldn't have chosen to drive the other way. His mom called him just as he was in the ditch.

I can't describe to you what I was feeling. I was sad, angry, frustrated, scared, relieved and everything inbetween - I didn't know how to feel. Finally, he's getting the help he's been needing for five years now. He starts counselling on Thursday. He has no license, so he will need to find other ways to remain occupied. His parents and I suggested he go live with them for awhile. That way he'd be able to do his counselling, work at a job, and be in a smaller town so he could get around. Having no vehicle will be a hindrance, but thank god he's alive.

I've been wanting to fill you in with that for the last couple of days but only now am able to talk about it without tears obstructing my view. It's really made me consider things lately. I know that right now I can't be with FP. He needs to do this on his own. I can no longer be his crutch, although he knows I'm there to support him throughout his recovery. All I can say is thank god he's alive - that would have destroyed me for a long time.

I miss you.

xoxo Carrie

Waiting on the Wonderful

Miss Samantha,

I continue to write you, yet you still never respond. Tsk tsk, lady. (Except I know you're busy... so I understand.) This has been my only outlet lately so I will continue to write to keep our readers entertained.

FP is coming to visit me tomorrow. This is our last-chance weekend. I still don't know what's going on. I've been saying that for months now. Cat and I had a good lunch date today (I had to replace you some how...) and she told me to lay out my plans: school, graduation, moving across the country, and career, tell FP about them, tell him you're not planning on getting married anytime soon, and then its in his hands. She told me that I am feeling too much pressure because all of these decisions... whether to continue the relationship, whether he should move here, etc... are my responsibility. I think she's right. I am being pulled in so many directions.

Tonight, I told him all of this and told him that he's a smart person and he needs to challenge himself. He needs a change. I don't think he should continue with his trade, because its not enough for him. That's probably why he's miserable. I told him I don't want to talk every single night about getting oil on his truck and what happened at the pub. I wanted to have a legit conversation and debate something. (You know I love a good debate.) So he brought up privatization of health care in Canada. Haha. He actually made an effort and we had an intelligent conversation. It really brightened my day.

We will see how the weekend goes. I'm pretty sure I'll understand after this weekend, although I did say that at Thanksgiving... meh, either way I'm getting laid.

On another note, my roommate, NursingGirl, is going on a date tomorrow. I'm so excited for her because dates are a rarity among our household. I think I might play dressup :)

As usual,

xoxo Carrie

Already Gone

Hello Miss Samantha,

This weekend, I came very close to breaking things off with FP. I have been an absolute hypocrite to him and its time for me to man up and just end it... I think.

He was out with some stupid girls this weekend when he went to the city and was dancing with girls and they outwardly told him they were DTF (- look it up if you don't know what I'm sayin'). Obviously, because he's madly in love with me, he pushed them away, yet continued to flirt. I decided I didn't like that and raged on him and made him feel bad. He asked me on Saturday night/Sunday morning "Are you telling me you don't want to see me anymore?" I was so close to saying yes. So close. But I didn't.

And now I feel like I'm not going to have a chance to say yes again. The reason I didn't say yes was because I knew he would have hung up the phone and called one of those skanks and I couldn't deal with that.

But on Thursday, I may have made out with Ex. Not EngineerEx, but first college love Ex. And I stayed at his house. And I am so not ok with my attitude right now. I was totally offside, and I'm being really horrible to FP. I don't know what to do. FP is going to be so hurt when I break things off. So hurt. It will crush him. And I love spending time with him, but I dont know if I want that time to be long term. At least right now in my life I do NOT want a long distance serious thing. Its too psychologically stressful for me. I mean, he may be moving to the big city come March, but I dont want him to just for me. That's so much pressure on me. FP doesn't intellectually stimulate me. That sounds horrible too. But I need to be able to have a good conversation with him... something that's not about "this oil jack we fixed today..." I know that FP is intelligent, he just doesn't care. And conversation is something I value. I want to succeed in life, and that succeeding is due to communication in the academic world. I don't necessarily want someone who is in the academic field with me, I want someone who understands the demands that will have on my life and how its going to affect my relationships. Nevermind he told me he wants to be married in 5 years... OUT OF THE QUESTION!

Kelly Clarkson is definitely fitting right now.

Well, thats my little rant for today. What should I do? Should I man up? Should I drag it out? I will be home for awhile at Christmas and need the company... but I feel so guilty about that. Can I have my cake and eat it too? HELP!

Miss You As Usual,

xoxoCarrie

If It Makes You Happy

Miss Samantha,

My deepest apologies for the lack of responding... I've been incredibly busy this week with school and work and boys...

I'll start back two posts. Bartender is doing good. I took a little bit of time off for him for awhile. I felt I was getting a little bit ridiculous, and I was seeing him everyday at his bar... yea, that's how often we go there. I was beginning to think that he was thinking I only went there to see him, so I just stopped. Haha. I hadn't heard from him in a few days, and then yesterday he messaged me and we chatted until almost 3 in the morning. He's having the usual "should I marry her or is it time to move on" crisis... because he's been with his gf for so long. So I kind of talked him through it. I told you, I'm going to be the best friend. And I don't know if that's good or bad. I don't want to be the rebound girl if he does break up with her, but I also don't want to pass up on any chances that come my way. So confusing.

Lately, all of my friends and their significant others are starting to talk about getting married, having kids, moving in together, breaking up, etc. I'm so over it. Can't we go back to just going out and having fun without having to talk about what colors we want for our tablecloths? Jesus. Sex, anyone?

FP's visit was pretty great. You're right, we didn't leave the house too much after I saw you that night. He got a little too intoxicated at the game, however, and it really annoyed me. I mean, I was having a good time and all, but I was almost embarassed and just about moved and went and sat with one of my friends who was there. I'm not really sure what we're doing still. Its difficult to do the long distance thing and we only just started seeing each other a couple of months ago. I'm not closing any doors because there are a lot of people out there and I want to make myself happy right now. We're still planning on seeing each other at Thanksgiving. We'll see where it goes. He's a great guy... just shitty circumstances.

There is a new boy at work, I'll call him Gym Teacher. Since I started work there, I've been completely fawning over him. I've been there for 3 weeks now, so I decided I'm going to make up a fake story about a paper I have to write and ask him for his opinions, since he is a very good teacher. So I sent him a message on facebook without adding him, and then he added me... but hasn't responded yet. Not sure what that means, maybe on Tuesday at work he'll say let's have lunch and talk about it? Haha. Crossing my fingers. However, based on my creeping abilities, I've figured out that he's been with his gf (who is super fug) since at least May 2007. It'll be a tough one.

I'm listening to that Sabotage song right now. I agree with you, please don't fall into that trap. You are going to sabotage a lot of relationships, not just your own. Sometimes when telling myself what its doing to other people helps more than telling me just how its effecting me. Does that make sense?

I'm so jealous that Charlotte is living with you! Also very happy that she is staying away from Rover. Of course it'll be difficult.. but what he did to her was super shady and I wouldn't ever talk to him again. And FD... what a cutie... has he moved back to school now? I have an FD of my own here in the city... he's a cutie too, an Accountant, calls me during the boys night outs. Too cute.

As for me, things have been alright. Some crisis days with figuring out school. I'm going to be in it forever. But, I might take some time off and work in a bit. The school I'm working at right now for my practicum is looking for full time staff. Not sure if I could do it this year, but I'm loving the experience I'm getting there, and I really appreciate all the staff and how they are helping me learn and fitting me in. Haha. Tell me how you are doing! Still feeling pressure from Old Boss? New job still everything you'd like it to be? I sure hope so. You're good at that stuff.

Anyways, I could tell you about boys until I have a novel written, so I will leave it at that. I gotta get back to the books. I miss you so terribly, and tell Char I say hi! Take care, love.

-Carrie

Sabatoge

Dear Carrie...

First off you need to listen to the song title by Kristina Debarge, sorta how im feeling rite now....damn it i hate being such a flirt sometimes! So fall has brought a whole new can of worms out....not sure if its bc the weather is typically what summer would bring but life is crazy.

I need to keep reminding me of all those lessons we called out on those other foolish females (you know the ones we point and laugh at) ha

The song is pretty much what im gonna do if im not careful, i'm sabatoging myself and relationship....remind me again how stupid that is, cause saying to myself hasnt been completly effective yet!

I feel so hypocrital...but alas i love a hot boy that gets my blood boiling!ha And is it boiling...ha

Anyway, Char is moving in soon so i am looking forward to the calm and level headed energy she will bring with her. I need to have that rite now! It seems as tho she is doing good and staying free from rover(since he is such a dog it seemed fitting)lol

I am curious to hear how you are doin tho? How is that crazy city treating you? I am interested to know if you and FP are still hanging on.....

oh forgot to mention that FD is back around...weather changes and he pops rite up....he seems to go into heat when the ice goes in!haha He asked about you....thinks we should both visit him!ha...what a dork, and i totally played it up,lol

catch you later!
miss you so much!
no lessons today

Sam

I Got A Feelin'

Miss Samantha,

So sad to hear that Ball Boy has given up. I hope he didn't give up because the chase is over.. if you know what I mean. Maybe him and girlfriend are having a moment and she went all Grey's chick on your ass? Haha. Either way, I'm glad he's gone for awhile. I always knew he was bad news.

So Bartender has come back into my life. I don't understand this one. Normally I can figure out boys, but this one is confuzzling me. He keeps on inviting me for a "beer." I understand that he works there... but is it necessary to invite me (who he's only known for about 6 months) instead of his girlfriend (who he has been dating for 2 years)? Is he flirting or am I just the "friend"? Because I'm pretty sure I could fall for him pretty hard if the opportunity arose. There was even one incident last spring where he invited me for a beer and I had nothing better to do, so I went. He then invited me upstairs to the part of the bar that was closed to play pool. "All the other tables are taken," he says. Ok, so awesome. Except nothing happened and I got too drunk. Then he said, "maybe it wasn't a good idea." Fuck. Get your shit together.

So anyways, I will see him tomorrow for sure since he is working and I have plans to go there for dinner with Cat. We'll see what happens, but what is your take on the sitch? My hairstylist thinks that he is just strange and wants that girl*space*friend, but he is taking it to the wrong level. He shouldn't be doing as much flirtation as he is. But at the same time, if he wanted me to be that friend, he would have introduced me to his girlfriend already. Whatevs.

I keep forgetting about FP. After this weekend, I think that it might be time to let that go a little bit, yet maybe hold on just a bit. I don't think its going to work with him being so far away. I do like him, but being so far away is difficult. Yea....

Anyways, I'm going to go have some drinks! Can't wait to see you!

-Crazy City Carrie

Tilt Ya Head Back

Miss Samantha,

Welcome back to the real world... holidays are over... Ha. And its time you write me back, even though you are busy busy finishing up with the summer crew... seriously, get on it.

So as FP and I were hanging out tonight, we started talking about penises (peni?) and oral sex. It was a strange and open conversation. But the conclusion we came to was that we both think that oral sex is more meaningful than regular (vaginal, if you will) sex. Agree or disagree? These are our reasons:

• during how many one night stands do you really go down on a guy?
• sometimes down-below-areas aren't all that nice looking, and you really have to like a person to do that, whereas in other cases you can meet a good-looking person from the waist up at a bar and eff them that night.
• FP quotes, "I've flat out refused to do it when a girl asks because I really didn't like her enough."
• from the girl's perspective, peni are scary and weird looking. I'd rather feel my way around first, then I will catch the snake in the net...

So...

Lesson Learned # 4: Get your head in the game - a tidy house will sell faster than a messy one.

Take care!

-Crazy City Carrie

Feedback

Carrie,

Ha ha, you make me laugh. I'm so pleased that you and FP gave'er a good go at it....poor farmer probably needed some excitment!

Can't say as i have tried it myself and can't say as i will, just might not be my thing. Ewwww, that makes me sound so boring...

Anyway i'll be sure to get more details from Grey and i'm pretty positive he will offer a live demo if you really bat your eyelashes.....ha. Anyway i will investigate more and get back to you soon.

Just packing up the office and shippin out for a week so i am hoping to have some juicy gossip to report after i return....
Keep driving safe, lol!!!!

Samantha

In My Car

Dear Samantha,

This weekend I went out of town with FP. It was a three hour or so drive, so I wanted to come up with some "activities" to keep us entertained during the drive (and let's face it, road head can only last so long).

After we finished all of our road trip games that I made, I remembered that story you told me, about how your friend, Grey, did it in a car... while he was driving. I was thinking, how in the HELL could that possibly work!? Like, do I face the wheel and drive, or do I face him and he drives? It was really confusing me and was all I could think about. So I decided to give 'er a go.

Turns out - NOT AT ALL easy! So difficult (and hot ;)) that we had to pull down a dirt road to continue. Only tried it so FP could look over my shoulder, so maybe next time I'll see if I can keep enough control to drive. (Cruise would probably come in handy.) Pretty sure the farmer saw us, but no big deal. I don't know what kind of Wheaties Grey's been eating, or crack he's been smoking... but I seriously need to have a chat with him.

Lesson Learned #3: Driving in cars with boys can cause accidents!

Have you tried?

Love,
Carrie

Something's Gotta Give

Small Town Samantha,

I feel like lately I am surrounded by dumb, stupid girls who are so crazy they cannot realize when they are making fools of themselves and everyone around them is laughing.

Tonight, when I was hanging out with FP, we were watching Dragon's Den (you know, the show on CBC where people with weird inventions are trying to convince the richest people in Canada to invest in their ideas... cool concept, and really funny when they get shut down). Anyways, there was this woman who decided she would try to market her dog, a really fat pug named Wrinkles, and create "Children's Reality Photograph Books". I almost died laughing. She actually thinks that kids are going to want to read about a dog and look at pictures with captions like, "This is my mommy" and, "I like to chew shoes." She also thinks she is going to sell 1 million copies. And she was dead serious. One of the investors asked her why. Her response was, "well did you ever buy Clifford books for your kids? why wouldn't you want a story about a real dog?" Uh, probably because he's not big and red, I can't ride him and I already have a real dog. Get your shit together lady.

Where have all the smart girls gone? They are ruining it for the rest of us.

*Crazy City Carrie

Good Girls Gone Bad

Dear Small Town Samantha,

God, I miss you since moving back to the big city. Things just aren't the same without you. I have to fill you in on the craziness that is my life right now.

So I finally met some guys. The single life is finally getting fun. I was out with some friends the other night watching the game and started eye flirting with this guy who had a ridiculous t-shirt on. On my way back from the bathroom, I stopped by him and said, "Hey, nice shirt" and game him a wink. Later on, he sent some shots over, so I sent my number over. He texted me later on that night and told me his name was RigPig. We left that lounge and moved next door. He convinced his friends to follow us over. As I was chatting with some girls, he sent me a text asking if he should come over. I told him not to bother, not thinking anything of it. I got pretty tired after that, so decided to head home. On the way out, I gave him a wink. Probably not going to hear from him again.

Au contraire, he texted me on Tuesday asking if he could take me out. I told him I was busy, getting back into school and maybe some other time. Boy wouldn't let up. On Friday, after class, I was in a good mood so I finally said ok. We just went for a drink, had a nice chat, got a little tipsy, then I told him we could hang out again sometime... afterall, he did pay for the drinks. So I'm thinking sometime = maybe next week. But in RigPig language it apparently means he texts me 15 minutes later to ask what I was doing that night. Decided to take a risk and go out with him again... twice in one day. Awkward? Whatever. It was a good time... we totally made out the whole time. Now he won't stop texting me. Obvs, not looking for anything too serious right now, so I'll do him for awhile. He is pretty good. And the whole badboy thing turns me on.

Boy #2: I met this other guy a couple of weeks ago at kickboxing. Really hot, pretty tall, dark hair, cleanly shaven... what every girl (well, us) fawns over. First thing I say to Cat: "I'm totally going to tap that." She concurred. Then he started talking... much hotter when he just stands there. (Oh yea, and his name is FP.) Went out for dinner and drinks a few times, I wanted to kill myself. But he is nice to look at during kickboxing. RigPig is so winning.

This is where life gets interesting. Last week, I went home "sick" from work early. Instead of going home, went over to FP's. He was on his way out of town... I was thinking it was going to be a long weekend... and just needed to get some. It was hot. Literally. No air conditioning. Bah. Still... it was hot. On my way out, got a text from RigPig. He wanted to hang out. Headed home, showered, then went over to his house. We totally did it. RigPig & FP in one day. Within 3 hours. Awesome. Now I'm feeling a little ho-y. Should I? I mean, come on, summer of fun, right?

Miss ya,
Crazy City Carrie