Waiting on the Wonderful

Miss Samantha,

I continue to write you, yet you still never respond. Tsk tsk, lady. (Except I know you're busy... so I understand.) This has been my only outlet lately so I will continue to write to keep our readers entertained.

FP is coming to visit me tomorrow. This is our last-chance weekend. I still don't know what's going on. I've been saying that for months now. Cat and I had a good lunch date today (I had to replace you some how...) and she told me to lay out my plans: school, graduation, moving across the country, and career, tell FP about them, tell him you're not planning on getting married anytime soon, and then its in his hands. She told me that I am feeling too much pressure because all of these decisions... whether to continue the relationship, whether he should move here, etc... are my responsibility. I think she's right. I am being pulled in so many directions.

Tonight, I told him all of this and told him that he's a smart person and he needs to challenge himself. He needs a change. I don't think he should continue with his trade, because its not enough for him. That's probably why he's miserable. I told him I don't want to talk every single night about getting oil on his truck and what happened at the pub. I wanted to have a legit conversation and debate something. (You know I love a good debate.) So he brought up privatization of health care in Canada. Haha. He actually made an effort and we had an intelligent conversation. It really brightened my day.

We will see how the weekend goes. I'm pretty sure I'll understand after this weekend, although I did say that at Thanksgiving... meh, either way I'm getting laid.

On another note, my roommate, NursingGirl, is going on a date tomorrow. I'm so excited for her because dates are a rarity among our household. I think I might play dressup :)

As usual,

xoxo Carrie

Single Ladies

Miss Samantha,

I stumbled across an awesome website today... the Best of Craigslist. Check out this post:

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/phi/1363379397.html

Hilarious. I want this girl to be our friend.

Secondly, to all the stupid girls:

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/lax/1353695841.html

Here are the only life lessons you'll need.

xoxo Carrie

Already Gone

Hello Miss Samantha,

This weekend, I came very close to breaking things off with FP. I have been an absolute hypocrite to him and its time for me to man up and just end it... I think.

He was out with some stupid girls this weekend when he went to the city and was dancing with girls and they outwardly told him they were DTF (- look it up if you don't know what I'm sayin'). Obviously, because he's madly in love with me, he pushed them away, yet continued to flirt. I decided I didn't like that and raged on him and made him feel bad. He asked me on Saturday night/Sunday morning "Are you telling me you don't want to see me anymore?" I was so close to saying yes. So close. But I didn't.

And now I feel like I'm not going to have a chance to say yes again. The reason I didn't say yes was because I knew he would have hung up the phone and called one of those skanks and I couldn't deal with that.

But on Thursday, I may have made out with Ex. Not EngineerEx, but first college love Ex. And I stayed at his house. And I am so not ok with my attitude right now. I was totally offside, and I'm being really horrible to FP. I don't know what to do. FP is going to be so hurt when I break things off. So hurt. It will crush him. And I love spending time with him, but I dont know if I want that time to be long term. At least right now in my life I do NOT want a long distance serious thing. Its too psychologically stressful for me. I mean, he may be moving to the big city come March, but I dont want him to just for me. That's so much pressure on me. FP doesn't intellectually stimulate me. That sounds horrible too. But I need to be able to have a good conversation with him... something that's not about "this oil jack we fixed today..." I know that FP is intelligent, he just doesn't care. And conversation is something I value. I want to succeed in life, and that succeeding is due to communication in the academic world. I don't necessarily want someone who is in the academic field with me, I want someone who understands the demands that will have on my life and how its going to affect my relationships. Nevermind he told me he wants to be married in 5 years... OUT OF THE QUESTION!

Kelly Clarkson is definitely fitting right now.

Well, thats my little rant for today. What should I do? Should I man up? Should I drag it out? I will be home for awhile at Christmas and need the company... but I feel so guilty about that. Can I have my cake and eat it too? HELP!

Miss You As Usual,

xoxoCarrie

You're Not Sorry

Hey Miss Samantha,

I have to vent to someone. Today has been a really difficult day. And I don't know why...

In 2004, I went on a family vacay to a hot beach and while I was there I met a boy. This boy was amazing. Everything about him is fantastic. He's incredibly brilliant, so breathtakingly handsome, and ridiculously funny - and you know how that gets me. We spent every one of those 7 days together. On the last night that we were there, which happened to be the night before New Years, him and I sat underneath the stars and talked for hours. It was honestly movie-like and I was in heaven... it was perfect.

After the vacation, we kept in contact via email and messaging, since he lives across the country. We kept talking about one day being together again and going on another trip together and when it would be possible to see each other next. We both went through boyfriends and girlfriends, yet still caught up with each other every couple months. Last November, I contacted him again and once again we went back to talking like no time had been lost. Everything just works with him. In December, he sent me flowers telling me how much he missed me and that we would be able to see each other soon. In February, he had a medical school interview in the city and it would finally be a chance for us to see each other again... after 5 years.

The only thing standing in our way was his girlfriend. She began to limit his communication with me, she read all of our emails, our texts and told him he couldn't speak to me anymore. She made him block me on his facebook. I couldn't send him emails because I knew they would be intercepted by her. When he got to the city, he called me anyways and we had dinner at a really fancy place downtown. After dinner when we walked back to my car, he kissed me. I was so caught off guard, and I just melted.

We spent an awesome night together and I won't forget it. When he went back to the other side of the country, he told me that everything that happened was awesome, but he was still with his girlfriend and he stopped talking to me again. I haven't spoken to him since March. I can't stop thinking about him. I know he chose to go to a med school out east instead of out here, but I want to know how he is. I don't have his email address anymore since he moved from his old school and I'm sure that girlfriend still checks his hotmail. I can't facebook him. I just want to talk to him. I want to know how he is. I want to tell him I miss him. Is that crazy? He's just been on my mind so much. But he hurt me... so why do I care? I still think he is perfect for me.

On a less serious note, Bartender wants me to meet one of his friends, ProFootball Player. That'd be hot. :)

Talk soon,

xoxo Carrie

What Goes Around...

Hey Girl,

Your rants are very much welcome. That's one of the reasons I originally chose to move away. I was done with the drama, I hated everyone and I needed to get away.

Obviously you aren't stupid. And obviously you're not going to go out to lunch at the busiest place in town with someone you're sleeping with. Were you out with LongHair (or did we have another name for him?)? Or someone new? And the message was from a girlfriend? Guaranteed... GUARANTEED... this particular girl is completely jealous of your life, your ability to have a relationship with guys, and your current relationship with your HUSBAND! Hello... you're married for a reason. If you didn't want to be married anymore, then you WOULD go out to lunch with the guy/guys you were sleeping with. Girls need to get their shit together!

If I was you, I would have walked up to said texter and straight up said "what is your deal? you need to chill the eff out." That is unclassy, and NOT even a little bit like what a friend should do. Did she at least try to say she was joking?

I feel for you, babe. It's bullshit. Wish I could be there to be your lunch date... I'm coming back to the small town for the Thanksgiving weekend, we can date then :)

I have to tell you a funny story tomorrow after I am done work. You will understand my embarassment... yes... I was embarassed! Couldn't even believe myself...

Until then...
Miss you dearly,
Carrie

papparazzi

Okay i am taking a quick minute to rant! i am rather annoyed at this small town rite now....and curious to understand why nothing is more exciting to the people here then figuring out what the hell i'm doing and with who?!?
i will be the first to admit, i have mentioned my curiousity has been peaked by several boys but i'm pretty sure that only makes my ass human....
So here's the deal...
I went for lunch with a male friend and before the lunch was even over i get a text from a friend asking me "how my date is????" Okay so not only am i insulted because apparently you think i'm a cheat by sending that but secondly- u also think i'm an IDIOT too! Who in there rite mind goes out to the busiest place in town to have an affair??? REALLY!!! Small towns suck!(and the guy wasnt even hot-so should i be insulted by that too?)Augh, i'm too busy with the first two to reflect upon how shallow i am!
LESSON: Just because my ass is out with someone other then a girl does not mean I am sleeping with that guy! And now that i think about it...GET A LIFE all you gossip mongering jack offs!

there....i feel better
Miss you much
Sam

If It Makes You Happy

Miss Samantha,

My deepest apologies for the lack of responding... I've been incredibly busy this week with school and work and boys...

I'll start back two posts. Bartender is doing good. I took a little bit of time off for him for awhile. I felt I was getting a little bit ridiculous, and I was seeing him everyday at his bar... yea, that's how often we go there. I was beginning to think that he was thinking I only went there to see him, so I just stopped. Haha. I hadn't heard from him in a few days, and then yesterday he messaged me and we chatted until almost 3 in the morning. He's having the usual "should I marry her or is it time to move on" crisis... because he's been with his gf for so long. So I kind of talked him through it. I told you, I'm going to be the best friend. And I don't know if that's good or bad. I don't want to be the rebound girl if he does break up with her, but I also don't want to pass up on any chances that come my way. So confusing.

Lately, all of my friends and their significant others are starting to talk about getting married, having kids, moving in together, breaking up, etc. I'm so over it. Can't we go back to just going out and having fun without having to talk about what colors we want for our tablecloths? Jesus. Sex, anyone?

FP's visit was pretty great. You're right, we didn't leave the house too much after I saw you that night. He got a little too intoxicated at the game, however, and it really annoyed me. I mean, I was having a good time and all, but I was almost embarassed and just about moved and went and sat with one of my friends who was there. I'm not really sure what we're doing still. Its difficult to do the long distance thing and we only just started seeing each other a couple of months ago. I'm not closing any doors because there are a lot of people out there and I want to make myself happy right now. We're still planning on seeing each other at Thanksgiving. We'll see where it goes. He's a great guy... just shitty circumstances.

There is a new boy at work, I'll call him Gym Teacher. Since I started work there, I've been completely fawning over him. I've been there for 3 weeks now, so I decided I'm going to make up a fake story about a paper I have to write and ask him for his opinions, since he is a very good teacher. So I sent him a message on facebook without adding him, and then he added me... but hasn't responded yet. Not sure what that means, maybe on Tuesday at work he'll say let's have lunch and talk about it? Haha. Crossing my fingers. However, based on my creeping abilities, I've figured out that he's been with his gf (who is super fug) since at least May 2007. It'll be a tough one.

I'm listening to that Sabotage song right now. I agree with you, please don't fall into that trap. You are going to sabotage a lot of relationships, not just your own. Sometimes when telling myself what its doing to other people helps more than telling me just how its effecting me. Does that make sense?

I'm so jealous that Charlotte is living with you! Also very happy that she is staying away from Rover. Of course it'll be difficult.. but what he did to her was super shady and I wouldn't ever talk to him again. And FD... what a cutie... has he moved back to school now? I have an FD of my own here in the city... he's a cutie too, an Accountant, calls me during the boys night outs. Too cute.

As for me, things have been alright. Some crisis days with figuring out school. I'm going to be in it forever. But, I might take some time off and work in a bit. The school I'm working at right now for my practicum is looking for full time staff. Not sure if I could do it this year, but I'm loving the experience I'm getting there, and I really appreciate all the staff and how they are helping me learn and fitting me in. Haha. Tell me how you are doing! Still feeling pressure from Old Boss? New job still everything you'd like it to be? I sure hope so. You're good at that stuff.

Anyways, I could tell you about boys until I have a novel written, so I will leave it at that. I gotta get back to the books. I miss you so terribly, and tell Char I say hi! Take care, love.

-Carrie